Noah Can’t Even


Simon James Green



Release Date

May 4th, 2017



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Poor Noah Grimes! His father disappeared years ago, his mother's Beyonce tribute act is an unacceptable embarrassment, and his beloved gran is no longer herself. He only has one friend, Harry, and school is...Well, it's pure HELL. Why can't Noah be normal, like everyone else at school? Maybe if he struck up a romantic relationship with someone - maybe Sophie, who is perfect and lovely - he'd be seen in a different light? But Noah's plans are derailed when Harry kisses him at a party. That's when things go from bad to utter chaos.



Book Cover

  • Fits the story


  • Memorable after I put it down for a few hours


  • The book started off well…
  • There were funny parts…

Character Depth

  • Hip deep

Mood Upon Completion

  • Happy for Harry
  • Sad for Noah
  • Annoyed that it took so long for Noah to get it together


  • Very few/no typos

Sex Scenes

  • Scene-free


  • …but I got tired of Noah
  • …but it quickly turned painful
  • Noah is indecisive and a too stupid to live character; I found myself wishing the book was about his best friend Harry instead
  • I think this book is meant to be humorous, but it just left me feeling sorry for Noah*
  • 97% in, and he FINALLY gets it together; really?!

Emotional Depth

  • Moderately emotional**

Content Warnings

  • Cheating (minor, one, present)

*His awkwardness was off-putting, not endearing, and I found myself skipping pages and losing interest. I just wanted to see if he figured out what was going on. He seems unable or unwilling to cope with life unlike most everyone else, he doesn’t have many people to depend on, and seemed intent on making things harder than they had to be.


**but only because I felt SO sad for Noah, and that was my overarching feeling throughout this book

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